Todays post is going to be a different kind of post for me. If you choose to read on, please, be forewarned that the entry you will read is almost entirely without humor. In fact, it is a deeply personal introspection, rarely shown to people outside my innermost circle. It is both philosophical and practical in nature, and it is more feeling than almost any piece you will ever read from me. For those not ready to read, what may be read as almost an internal monologue, I understand completely, and I encourage you to skip past this one article. For those who choose to read, I implore you to keep your minds open, and understand, I am by no means trying to insult anyone, nor am I trying to preach to anyone. Please take it more as an update to my personal, internal philosophy on myself, and how I fit into this crazy world.
Before I get to the meat of this article, I want to provide everyone with a little background on how this posting came about. As many of you may already know, I fancy myself a fledgling martial artist. As part of my school's test for Shodan (1st degree Black Belt), we are asked to write an essay, reflecting upon what we have learned during our training thus far. What you are going to read is my essay. Again, this is pretty deep stuff, and touches on many areas including religion, divorce, Eastern philosophy, and more. For those of you who think this stuff to be voodoo, hooey, or simple BS, please stop reading. For those who are ready for a look inside, enjoy the view.
As I sit here, a few weeks out from my black belt test, I find myself reflecting on how much I have learned, and from this, how much my life has changed as a result of my training at the Quest Center the past few years.
Strangely, thoughts of this remind me of an old Jewish song entitled Dayenu (Die-A-New). This song is sung each year during the Jewish holiday of Passover. The song is worded to remind us to be thankful for what we have, and draws its inspiration from the story of the Jewish Peoples exodus from Egypt. The lyrics of the first paragraph translate to say “If He (god) had only brought us (the Jewish people) out of Egypt, it would have been enough.” The second paragraph translates to mean “If He had only given us the Torah, it would have been enough.” The song continues paragraph to paragraph, letting us know that each thing done for us “would have been enough.”
The reason my training reminds me of this old Hebrew song, is because of the multiple layers that the training has happened on. When I first came to Quest, my life was by all accounts (specifically mine) very good. I was in a good career, well entrenched in the “Rat Race” many of us are tied up in. I had a good home life, living with my best friend, while planning a wedding to my fiancé. I was stashing away money, and accumulating creature comforts at a very acceptable pace, putting myself on the “path to success” that I had grown up want to be on. When I first came to Quest, I was hoping that the instructors could help motivate me to get my rear quarters in motion, and maybe lose a few pounds. I was hoping they could teach me a thing or two about being able to better defend myself should I find myself in a physical altercation. And had the Russo’s, the Giancarlo’s and Mr. Hamblien been able to do that for me, it would have been enough.
Just like other who had come before me, and some that have come since, I began to realize that the instructors were teaching me more than exercise and self-defense. Soon I began to learn how the elements we were studying could be applied to life outside the dojo. I began to see how an understanding of the elements could give me an advantage in my career. I began to see how the elements applied to human behavior, and how appropriate manipulation of the elements could help me professionally. Had this been the only professional lesson I learned from the Quest staff, this too would have been enough.
At the time, I didn’t know it, but what I was learning was barely scratching the surface of what the Quest Instructors were teaching. The more I trained at Quest, the closer I became with the instructors, and the more time I began spending with them socially. As a result, my learning continued outside the dojo environment. I heard a metaphor that explained my training better than any I had heard before or since. I was told to imagine that I was a builder. During my Q-belt training, I was learning about tools that were available to me, and how to use each tool. From the metaphor perspective, I was learning that I had a hammer available to me, and how to use a hammer. I was learning I had a screwdriver available to me, and how to use the screwdriver. I was then told that my black belt test was simply to test me on my knowledge and use of the tools now in my tool belt. Black belt simply meant that my tool belt was full. The black belt training that I would be doing was akin to teaching me how to use my tools to build something. It was my taking of this metaphor and extending it to my life outside of To Shin Do, that made the lesson truly valuable. Now if this had been the only life lesson that I learned from my friends at the dojo, this would have been enough.
The true test of any learning, is how can you apply what you learned, in a real life, real pressure environment. As is the case with this art, I have heard other students talk about being able to utilize their training when the situation has called for it. I have heard stories of students applying oak trees to the arms of road rage attackers. I have hear students tell of “getting earthy” against an imminent physical confrontation that never materialized as a result of their energy. I have heard tales of students “watering” away from falling A/C ducts in their office building thanks to their training. Fortunately, I have, since beginning my training, been able to avoid all physical confrontations, and thus, have never had to test my skills in a real life, real pressure environment. Or so I thought.
For anyone who knows me, they know that 2006 has been one of the toughest years, if not the toughest year, of my life thus far. Earlier in the year I had to go through what many have called “the most stressful experience a person can experience”. I had to go through a divorce. Then only a little more than a month ago, I found out I no longer was wanted at the company I helped build. I was fired. A tough year it had been indeed. I spent more time over the past twelve months wondering where my life was going than I had during the previous 7 years combined. Still, it wasn’t until sitting at a Quest Black Belt Dinner that things came into perspective for me. I was sitting next to a fellow student and friend, Scott Ream while we were all celebrating the success of the newest black belts. Scott and I began talking, and he asked me for some advice. Scott told me of a personal situation he was dealing with and he concluded by saying, “I wanted your advice on how best to handle this. I know you have had a simply awful year, but unless you looked carefully, it would be very hard to tell because you are handling everything so well.”
The impact of what Scott had said to me did not hit me until the next night at Gashuku. During the fire ceremony, I came to the realization, that the events of this year were my real life, real pressure test of my skills. In fact, it doesn’t get much more real life, or real pressure, than what I had been going through. I also realized, that I owed an awful lot of credit to the teaching of Mark, Helen, John, Laura, and David for helping me, as Scott said, “handle everything so well.” The life lessons learned at Quest had been the foundation on which I relied on during these trying times. The life “tools” that I have been learning about and how to best utilize, have allowed me to turn situations that would have broken many of the “untrained” people I know, into genuine opportunities. My divorce hurt me badly. I still very much loved my wife while we were separating, and I wondered how I would be able to move on without her support. Thanks in large part to my training however, I soon came to realize that by keeping her a close friend, I could maintain most of her support, and from this I was able to go out an find another fulfilling relationship that will be able to help me continue to grow on my path. Being fired hurt me in many ways, not least of which was by delivering a strong blow to my financial base. Again, thanks to my training, I saw this too as an opportunity, and I am now in the process of securing a new position, at a new company, which I expect to provide me with both professional and fiscal opportunities that would not have been found in my former employ.
Sitting around the fire that night, I realized that my real world, real pressure test had in fact come, and despite my complaints and despite my sorrows, I had been doing an admirable job at fighting these dragons thus far. I realized that as important as the physical skills I had acquired over the last few years had become, it was the life skills that were invaluable. It was that night around the fire, looking at my friend Christina Quenneville, bask (as much as she ever can allow herself to) in her achievement, I realized that my “Black Belt Test” had in fact already begun. In fact, one could make the argument that the “test” had started the moment David Hamblien wrapped that white belt around my waist. In fact, based on the old Taoist philosophy that everything we have ever done has brought us to right here, right now, it could be argued that from the moment we are brought into this world, our Q-Belt learning begins. And now, as I stand on the precipice of commencement, I am ready to learn about the world from a black belt perspective, and for this I say, “Dayenu”.
